Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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