i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
