Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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