I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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