what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
