Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
