so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
