It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
