Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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