Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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