Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
