YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's just like the Real World with babies
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
