Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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