How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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