Girls should come with a carfax report
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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