you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
