I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
