I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
