dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
