before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
