How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
