so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
