Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
