I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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