The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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