id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
