he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
