I just saw a hot homeless man
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
