I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
