YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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