Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
