I wish I only lived at night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
