Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
