JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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