i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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