You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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