dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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