It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
