yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
