the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
