Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
