And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
