I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
