I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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