look no pants
i love accidental penises.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
