If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
