i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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