OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
