You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
