im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
