the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
