Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
